Yesterday my professor and physics lab manager from UWP flew in. We spent all day today touring labs and talking to people about their research, our research, and plans for the future. I have a stomach full of excellent food, a fridge full of leftovers, and a mind full of an interwoven, interconnected, and unorganized assortment of ideas (try saying that out loud 10x faster).
What does the future hold for me? Do I want to go to University of Central Florida and then work for NASA, North Carolina State University and work for Intel, University of Dayton and work for the Air Force, Urbana-Champagne, Michigan State, Penn State, UW-Madison? Am I interested enough in optics to spend two years of my life and more learning and working in that field? Do I want to head for digital electronics? Do I really even want to go to grad school? How is it that I enjoy chipping paint, breaking old furniture, picking up trash, and washing dishes at the gospel mission as much as I like designing waveguides, filters, and learning about nanofabrication at the university?
There are two worlds and I cannot commit to both of them.
Have I come this far in Engineering merely for the purpose of having a choice? Ten years from now I might be saying "I could have gotten a masters, I could have gotten a job earning six figures, driven a BMW, and joined the ranks of the MENSA-qualified academic elite. But instead I'm doing _____ for the cause of Christ and I don't regret that choice for a second." Or I could plunge into this world of $400k SEMs (scanning electron microscope with 800,000x mag) and multi-million dollar laboratories where the goal is to complete projects, get better equipment, win contracts, and make more money. I respect those who do such things, but I abhor the idea of making it my life. Can my career be engineering and my life be something else? Am I to take this knowledge and go on in my career with my eyes wide open, hating and fearing the possibility of losing sight of what is truly important in life?
One can strive all his life and gain nothing, only to realize that he already had what he was searching for.
In my fatigued and unhealthy (getting a cold again :/ ) condition, I think the best I have for tonight is to keep my eyes open wide. The obvious direction I have is to spread my resume around a little and check out grad schools, so that's what I'll do. I'll also keep looking out for other possibilities, and I know God won't expect me to do anything without showing me first.
Monday, July 30, 2007
Future (eyes wide open)
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4 comments:
Oh, snap! That is some deep stuff. You write like I think.
Not to add to your confusion, but when I toured UW-Lacrosse as a senior in high school, their "Pre-Engineering" program consisted of braggin about the 20+ various high powered lasers they have in their physics program and the great relationship they have with the University of Arizona that apparently has a great optical physics program.
I know what you mean when you talk about all the inner conflict of what to do with your future. That's something I've been going through a lot of for the last year and am still dealing with. I can't say that I've found any great deal of answers, but what I do think I've found I'd love to talk to you about when I see you in the fall. One thing I might suggest doing is picking up a copy of Dietrich Bonhoeffer's The Cost of Discipleship. It won't make anything clearer in terms of destination but it kind of makes clearer method of knowing you are or are not on the right track. Kind of. It's a hard book to explain. Bonhoeffer is brilliant in his understanding and explanation of scripture.
"The Lord our God is one Lord--the only Lord. And you shall love the Lord our God with all your mind and heart, and with your entire being, and with all your might." Dt. 6:4-5 Amplified Bible
It is always the heart. And the heart is not maintained by external circumstances, but by the Word of God. The truth there makes us wise, rejoices our hearts, and enlightens our eyes. Psalm 19
You will have to maintain a right heart through spiritual disciplines no matter what path you choose.
I love reading your thoughts, hearing the ideas, and knowing your conclusion...keeping your eyes wide open. Dad and I will be praying for you.
P.S. Everything will look easier when you feel better. I hope you can get some sleep.
Boy, being your friend can be 'tough'...you very often leave me with great things to think about, and pray about. Its a good thing. I'm sure I'm not alone in saying that either.
Ya know, God can & will work in you and through you no matter where you end up. He loves us and knows what He's doing. If it really matters where you end up,He'll lead you there. Just keep your eyes wide open, and focused on Him. He has a way of working things out just right. (I know you know this, but its good to be reminded - and by writing it I remind myself, too)
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